So I have a Myspace Page

The Wife started a page for me on Myspace as a way to get me excited about it. I'm not real excited about it. I think, for the most part, Myspace.com is a novelty for children to goof off and trash talk each other. It's not something I have a real use for. With that said, I couldn't just stand by and see my page look as ugly as it was, so I decided to give it some personality. Don't expect me to add much to it very often though.

http://www.myspace.com/mike_campero

See new Poll on the right to chime in on how you feel about My Space.

Mikey

Stream of Consciousness

I find myself at times letting my mind wander while at work. Sometimes it takes the creative route where I start conceptualizing ideas for Stories and essays, while other times it takes the introspective route where I contemplate my mistakes in life and how one goes about correcting them, or at the least, dealing with them in a civilized way. It's these introspective times where I believe the choices are made, sometimes subconsciously, to do or not to do the strangest of things.

The wife and I were having a conversation the other day about what she had talked about with her counselor. My wife said she sometimes had strange thoughts that cloud her mind,mean things, or hurtful things, things you wouldn't share with anyone and are thoughts that no rational person would act on. The counselor said these were completely normal and happened to everyone. The question I ask to myself concerns those who don't have the rationale to keep these thoughts in check. Take a look at columbine or more recently, the shootings at Virginia Tech. While they will never know exactly what was going through the heads of these people before they started their killing spree, we do know that something wasn't ticking correctly.

My introspection usually involves unresolved issues with my parents deaths and the unwarranted guilt I sometimes feel in regards to it. I've mentioned it before, but my mother died when I was 14, when I was at an in between stage in my life, where I knew how things worked but still played the role of a child. I was in the dark about the true condition of my mother, a lot of that probably had to do with my innocent outlook and predominantly optimistic viewpoints. So when she died, I was stunned. I mean, I never had time to deal with it, to talk to her...

The guilt I feel about my Dad is different. I felt maybe that I should of took a harder stance with him to be sure that he seen his doctors more often and that he took his medication properly, but in all actuality, none of it was my fault. He was an old man, who decided he didn't care anymore and he died for it.

I also introspect on my career choice and schooling. I have a two year degree which in itself is really nothing. I have a decent job where I feel comfortable, but I always feel inside that I could of been something more. With that said, I know my life isn't over and I could start fresh and change everything from here on out, but I've placed obstacles in my own path that will make the job many times more difficult that it should of been. My mistakes as a teen come to mind as the biggest obstruction to career change. It's hard getting work when you have to check the box that says, "Have you ever been convicted of a felony."

I seem to have issues with relationships with people as well. I bet if you polled everyone that knew me, the majority of them would say I'm a great guy, yet I don't have very many people in my life that I can say is a great friend. The friends I used to have have all gone and started there own things and we rarely (or never in some cases) see each other or hang out. It probably stems from my lack of motivation to just call people, or maybe I'm just giving out a vibe that pushes people away. I could just be an asshole and no one is mean enough to just tell me.


After all, every Mike I know is a jackass, including the one in the mirror.

Mike

An Ode To My Wonderful Wife

So the wife was reading the last couple posts I made and asked me why I decide to post the stuff I do? What makes me want to start ranting about health and weight? It just comes to me. I feel like I need to express something and I take 5 minutes and I'm done. It's not a great literary piece or anything that going to get published. It's just one post on one guy's blog that hardly anyone reads. So she then says, how come you don't post anything about me (She must of missed those posts for when she was out of town )? In all seriousness though, my wife Susan doesn't get near the respect and acknowledgment that she is deserving of.

Susan is a wonderful woman, fantastic Mother, and has the most open heart of anyone I've every personally known. She takes her responsibilities very seriously and loves unconditionally. There is no doubt in my mind or in the minds of our children that Susan is the standard to which love should be judged against. I can say this because I see the anger in her eyes at times. There are people in her life that have hurt her greatly over the years, most of them close family members, and for the most part she still cares about them. She may not like them. She may not want to be around them. She still does care about their general well being.

Take her younger sister Anna for example. This child, who we raised as our own for 6 years, became a horrible plague on our home. She brought anger and hostility in far greater measure than typical teen angst should ever have allowed, and to no fault of our own, she has failed to develop into a useful member of society. In fact, she is a leach who is not yet ready to come to terms with responsibility and self worth. She has hurt us greatly over the years and in some people's minds would be deserving of a complete disownment. Not us though. Not my wife. She worries constantly about Anna's well being and the well being of her baby daughter. Susan struggles daily internally about wanting to take her in and try to save her versus letting her come to terms on her own. It's a constant conversation around our home with no real solution. The point, however, isn't how Anna can be saved or helped, it's that my wife is the kind of person that can forgive, forget, and still love.

And you should see her with our children. Never in my life have I seen kids so loved. These kids have never known the pain and heartache that my wife went through as a child. They have never feared for there well being. They have never feared that someone won't love them. They don't really know fear at all.

My wife loves me. I don't give her near the appreciation that I should and I certainly don't show her how much she means to me often enough, but I do love her. I have never felt a moment of doubt in our relationship that my wife has faltered in loving me. She has always been there for me and we have had times that have tested that love in the past and every time, Susan was still there for me to pick me up or kick my butt and get me moving in the right direction.

So I toast my wife, an Ode to the woman I love. Let this be just a portion of the total expression of love that I have for you, the mother of my children, the love of my life. I love you.

Mikey

Time To Party -- Er...Time To Clean The House

My Wife is going out of town this weekend, leaving the kids and I home by ourselves to indulge in some much needed Daddy-Daughter Time. It doesn't normally bother me when the wife leaves for the weekend as she doesn't do it very often, but this time we didn't get to spend very much time together this week as we have both been busy and I'm not going to see her before she leaves today either. Between work, hobbies, a job interview, and a couple sick daughters, time has been scarce. We’ll make up for that when she gets back.

In the meantime I’ll take this opportunity to play with the kids, clean the house and generally goof off and do nothing all weekend. I’ll probably veg out in front of the TV after the kids go to bed, play some video games or internet poker and generally relive the bachelor lifestyle…at least during the after bed hours.

So I had this job interview yesterday and I’ll be honest to say that I don’t think it went the best it could. I haven’t interviewed for a job in like 8 years and I certainly wasn’t my normal witty self. Furthermore, the interview was after a long day at work, a 40 minute drive and on an empty stomach. Hopefully the company will see through some of that and at least call me back for a second interview. We’ll see.

Mike