Company Policy
The mans slow walk down the center aisle of the store gave him the opportunity to glance at all the new seasonal merchandise the drug store was peddling. His objective, of course, was not to stand gawking at the useless crap, as others always seem to do. His business was just up ahead with the cashier at the photo development counter.
“Welcome to Arvco, How can I help you on this very fine morning,” the clerk’s overwhelming enthusiasm was a little overbearing and somewhat annoying.
The man simply said, “I got film to drop off.”
The clerk’s reply seemed scripted. In fact the clerk himself seems scripted for whatever that means. “Would you like our thirty minute development service or shall I ‘port it to our lab for next day service?”
“What’s the price difference”, he asked?
“Well...” the clerk, with the name tag proclaiming him to be some sort of technical coordinator, named Rod, took a deep breath. “...If we send your film to the lab, it’s gonna cost you approximately $39.95, where...”
“$39.95?” the customer interrupted.
“Yes sir, $$39.95,” he replied.
“Go on.”
The clerk continued, “If you ‘port your film to the lab, you are entitled to double prints or you can get a single set of prints with a free cube of film for the same price.”
“Now that free film, it’s not that Arvco crap is it?” retorts the customer.
“Sir, I’ll have you know that Arvco film is manufactures by 5M, the same great people who created hover soap, particle scrap, and Irish adhesive strips. Also, as proven in international tests, Arvco film received the same high quality awards as the top selling Krodak products. So, because of this high quality recognition that Arvco film has acquired, you’ll be receiving a free cube of Fiji film.”
“Figures,” another retort.
The clerk continued, “or you can get the thirty minute service, which for single prints only costs you $49.95. However you don’t receive the free cube of film.”
“...”
“And if you choose double prints, it will only cost you an additional $15.00 over our single prints price,” finished the clerk.
The customer wipes his hand through his hair and says, “let me get this straight. I have to pay and additional $25.00 to have doubles done today.”
“Yes.”
“Send them out.”
“Yes Sir, I’ll just need some general information about yourself.”
“...”
“Can I get your vox number?”
“Why in God’s name do you need my vox number, I just want to drop off film.”
The clerk put on a stern but friendly face and said, Sir, we need the information for two very important reasons. First, we want to make sure your film doesn’t get lost or inadvertently disintegrated. Second, we have to be able to contact you should a problem occur with your film. Your vox number please?”
“Jesus Christ, 872-923-21721.”
“Your last name sir?”
“MacMire.”
“First?”
“Gerald.”
“Your locale number and index code?”
“4893173 Gracken index, Boxel 2.”
“Paper vox code?”
“72534.”
“Married?”
“Now why in the Hell does it matter if I’m married?”
The clerk stopped the typing on the computer to turn and stare at the customer. He then says, “Mr. MacMire, as I stated before, this is merely a organizational method, a safety precaution if you will, as well as Arvco policy. Now, this won’t take very much more of your time.”
“...”
“Married?”
“NO!”
“Any kids?”
“NO!”
“Are you just coming from work?”
“WHAT?”
“You just get off work? I’m just curious. I’m not typing that in or anything. Just curious, you know, small talk.”
“Oh. No, I had the day off.”
“How often do you take pictures Sir?”
“About twice a month.”
“Then where do you normally take them for processing?”
“Rite Grants. Why?”
“As I stated before, this is a ...”
“Never mind!”
The clerk pressed a few buttons then asked, “singles or doubles?”
“Doubles.”
“Matte, glossy, holo, or digital finish?”
“Holo.”
“Would you like to purchase a guarantee service agreement?”
“And what is that?”
“By purchasing a guaranteed service agreement, you are being guaranteed that your cube of film will not become lost, mutilated, or destroyed, through a fault of the drugstores or the lab, you’ll be reimburse for its lost with a credit voucher that can be used in any Arvco drugstore.”
“No, no, just send it out.” The clerk taps a few more keys that placed the cube inside a tamper proof photo envelope and places the envelope into the trash disintegrator and goes for the switch.
“Hey, wait, what are you doing?”
“Sir, your film has been slated to be lost.”
“WHAT!”
“Your film has been slated...”
“No, I heard you, but what are you talking about?”
“Let me try to explain.” The clerk eased his hands away from the keyboard, smiled, and began, “Arvco drugs has an extensive customer service policy and we are dedicated to every word of that policy. Some two years ago, there was a law suit filed against Arvco by a photo customer in regard to a bag of film that was lost by out lab. Because of that law suit, great studies were made and polls were taken to find out how people felt about customer service and photo service in particular. The studies have shown that one in every 637 bags of film becomes lost, mutilated, or destroyed. Through the polls we’ve taken, Arvco has become enlightened to the fact that most customers want a reliable and consistent environment in which to do business with. So, taking both of those into account, Arvco has made a promise of “NO MORE, NO LESS” to all of our customers. Arvco knows that no one is perfect and accidents happen. There isn’t much Arvco could do to change that. Arvco can, however, control the consistency. As a result, we make sure we keep the average. Incidently, your film was number 637. The computer has slated it to be lost.” The customer stood dumbfounded just blinking at the clerk. “Understand now,” the clerk finished.
“Just give me my film back.”
“I can’t do that sir.”
“AND WHY THE HELL NOT,” screamed the customer?
“Because you didn’t purchase the guaranteed service agreement, which by the way was another result of the law suit with THAT disgruntled photo customer.”
“Are you implying something clerk boy.”
“No sir, I was just trying to ...”
“Let me talk to a manager.” The customer just stood there with a grim look on his mug while the clerk called a manager over the intercom. The clerk maintained that irritating smile the whole time. After a few moments a young lady in her mid twenties walked up to the customer.
“Hi, my name is Katherine, how may I help you,” she said.
“This idiot of a photo clerk of yours is gonna burn up my film.” the customer explains.
“Sir, Arvco has an extensive customer service policy that states ...”
“I just heard it all from Numb nuts” he interrupted. The clerk stood silently behind the counter.
“Then you can understand the sensitivity of the situation,” she stated with a slight attitude.
“Look, whatever happened to the customer always being right, eh.”
“Oh that policy was abolished in the early teens,” she replied.
“That was meant to be rhetorical. I just want my film back,” he pleaded.
“Sir, if I may be so blunt, shut up.”
“What?”
“I said SHUT UP,” she reiterated. “I hear it from customers like you every hour of every day. And frankly I’m sick of it. You people always want something for nothing, something for free. Just yesterday, this old lady comes into the pharmacy bitchin’ and moanin’ about her cocain prescription. She says we forgot to include the mirror and razor blades. She claims that every time she renews her prescription they give her free blades and a mirror. I’ll have you know that Arvco stopped giving out mirrors and razor blades years ago. It got too expensive and the insurance companies stopped paying for ‘em. I tried to tell her about Arvco’s policy on the topic, but NO, she just...”
“Ma’am.”
“DON’T INTERRUPT ME!”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. Anyway she just interrupts me with her complaining, and I really hate that.”
“Did you give her the stuff?” he asked.
“Hell no, I made the old bag pay for them, and then I kicked her out.”
“But I don’t want anything for free. I just want my film back.”
“Look, we all got problems. Look at me, I’m an assistant manager at an Arvco drugstore. How do you think I feel? I mean, if Arvco paid anything, it might be okay, but I’m barely getting by. Do you think I could get a set schedule? Hell no, not with my boss. He’d keep me from ever leaving if he could. Without a set schedule, I’ll never get back into school, I’ll never get a real job, and I’ll probably be working here for the rest of my life, which won’t be long at this rate. Christ, I work so many damn hours. I can’t even get a boyfriend. God only knows the last time I…”
“Really?”
“I said don’t interrupt me.”
“Sorry.”
“Anyway, we all got problems, Arvco just seems to be one of them for both of us.”
Pleading, the customer says, “Can I please have my film back?”
“ Okay, okay, you can have your film back. You just have to fill out and purchase a guaranteed service agreement.” Relieved, he nodded and she went about her business. His attention was faltered for a moment, and then he returned to the photo counter.
“Look Rod,” the customer said to the photo clerk. “Your boss said I can get my film back if I purchase your service thingee.”
“Guaranteed service agreement?”
“Yes,” angrily said.
“Then I’ll need some information.”
“Why can’t you take it from the stuff I gave you before?” said even more angrily.
“Our system connector unit is down and we have to manually enter the data.”
The man stood motionless.
“Your vox number sir?”
“872-923-21721, my name is Gerald MacMire. I live at 4893173 Gracken index, Boxel 2. My paper vox code is 72534. No wife, No kids.”
“Sir, I just needed your name.”
Once again he stood motionless.
The clerk pressed a few buttons on his computer keyboard and said, “that will be $39.95.”
“That’s how much it costs to get them developed in the first place,” screamed the customer. “ I can’t believe what you morons are trying to pull here. First you’re gonna blow up my film then your gonna charge me not to blow them up.”
“Arvco policy states that...”
“To hell with Arvco policy. Arvco policy makers can kiss my behind.”
“Sir, there’s no reason to get excited.”
“Listen photo boy, there’s nothing exciting about listening to you talk. There’s nothing exciting about this photo counter. And there’s nothing exciting about Arvco. In fact, the only exciting thing I’ve seen today is your assistant manager, and she’s a stuck up .... Look, here’s your money. Just give me my film back. I’m going to Rite Grants.”
“Sir, if I may, Rite Grants slates every 621st cube of film to be lost.” The customer grabbed his film and stormed out of the store.
“Have a nice day sir.” Soon after the customer left, Katherine returned to the photo counter. “I tried making small talk with him to keep him calm,” he said when she reached the counter.
“I know Rodney. I tried relating my own troubles with his. Most people just don’t listen,” Katherine replied. “Next time, try not to let the customer see you dump their film in the disintegrator. It’ll save us some trouble.”
“You’re the boss.” The clerk once again smiled. He looked to the next customer in line and said, “Welcome to Arvco. How can I help you on this very fine afternoon.”
“Welcome to Arvco, How can I help you on this very fine morning,” the clerk’s overwhelming enthusiasm was a little overbearing and somewhat annoying.
The man simply said, “I got film to drop off.”
The clerk’s reply seemed scripted. In fact the clerk himself seems scripted for whatever that means. “Would you like our thirty minute development service or shall I ‘port it to our lab for next day service?”
“What’s the price difference”, he asked?
“Well...” the clerk, with the name tag proclaiming him to be some sort of technical coordinator, named Rod, took a deep breath. “...If we send your film to the lab, it’s gonna cost you approximately $39.95, where...”
“$39.95?” the customer interrupted.
“Yes sir, $$39.95,” he replied.
“Go on.”
The clerk continued, “If you ‘port your film to the lab, you are entitled to double prints or you can get a single set of prints with a free cube of film for the same price.”
“Now that free film, it’s not that Arvco crap is it?” retorts the customer.
“Sir, I’ll have you know that Arvco film is manufactures by 5M, the same great people who created hover soap, particle scrap, and Irish adhesive strips. Also, as proven in international tests, Arvco film received the same high quality awards as the top selling Krodak products. So, because of this high quality recognition that Arvco film has acquired, you’ll be receiving a free cube of Fiji film.”
“Figures,” another retort.
The clerk continued, “or you can get the thirty minute service, which for single prints only costs you $49.95. However you don’t receive the free cube of film.”
“...”
“And if you choose double prints, it will only cost you an additional $15.00 over our single prints price,” finished the clerk.
The customer wipes his hand through his hair and says, “let me get this straight. I have to pay and additional $25.00 to have doubles done today.”
“Yes.”
“Send them out.”
“Yes Sir, I’ll just need some general information about yourself.”
“...”
“Can I get your vox number?”
“Why in God’s name do you need my vox number, I just want to drop off film.”
The clerk put on a stern but friendly face and said, Sir, we need the information for two very important reasons. First, we want to make sure your film doesn’t get lost or inadvertently disintegrated. Second, we have to be able to contact you should a problem occur with your film. Your vox number please?”
“Jesus Christ, 872-923-21721.”
“Your last name sir?”
“MacMire.”
“First?”
“Gerald.”
“Your locale number and index code?”
“4893173 Gracken index, Boxel 2.”
“Paper vox code?”
“72534.”
“Married?”
“Now why in the Hell does it matter if I’m married?”
The clerk stopped the typing on the computer to turn and stare at the customer. He then says, “Mr. MacMire, as I stated before, this is merely a organizational method, a safety precaution if you will, as well as Arvco policy. Now, this won’t take very much more of your time.”
“...”
“Married?”
“NO!”
“Any kids?”
“NO!”
“Are you just coming from work?”
“WHAT?”
“You just get off work? I’m just curious. I’m not typing that in or anything. Just curious, you know, small talk.”
“Oh. No, I had the day off.”
“How often do you take pictures Sir?”
“About twice a month.”
“Then where do you normally take them for processing?”
“Rite Grants. Why?”
“As I stated before, this is a ...”
“Never mind!”
The clerk pressed a few buttons then asked, “singles or doubles?”
“Doubles.”
“Matte, glossy, holo, or digital finish?”
“Holo.”
“Would you like to purchase a guarantee service agreement?”
“And what is that?”
“By purchasing a guaranteed service agreement, you are being guaranteed that your cube of film will not become lost, mutilated, or destroyed, through a fault of the drugstores or the lab, you’ll be reimburse for its lost with a credit voucher that can be used in any Arvco drugstore.”
“No, no, just send it out.” The clerk taps a few more keys that placed the cube inside a tamper proof photo envelope and places the envelope into the trash disintegrator and goes for the switch.
“Hey, wait, what are you doing?”
“Sir, your film has been slated to be lost.”
“WHAT!”
“Your film has been slated...”
“No, I heard you, but what are you talking about?”
“Let me try to explain.” The clerk eased his hands away from the keyboard, smiled, and began, “Arvco drugs has an extensive customer service policy and we are dedicated to every word of that policy. Some two years ago, there was a law suit filed against Arvco by a photo customer in regard to a bag of film that was lost by out lab. Because of that law suit, great studies were made and polls were taken to find out how people felt about customer service and photo service in particular. The studies have shown that one in every 637 bags of film becomes lost, mutilated, or destroyed. Through the polls we’ve taken, Arvco has become enlightened to the fact that most customers want a reliable and consistent environment in which to do business with. So, taking both of those into account, Arvco has made a promise of “NO MORE, NO LESS” to all of our customers. Arvco knows that no one is perfect and accidents happen. There isn’t much Arvco could do to change that. Arvco can, however, control the consistency. As a result, we make sure we keep the average. Incidently, your film was number 637. The computer has slated it to be lost.” The customer stood dumbfounded just blinking at the clerk. “Understand now,” the clerk finished.
“Just give me my film back.”
“I can’t do that sir.”
“AND WHY THE HELL NOT,” screamed the customer?
“Because you didn’t purchase the guaranteed service agreement, which by the way was another result of the law suit with THAT disgruntled photo customer.”
“Are you implying something clerk boy.”
“No sir, I was just trying to ...”
“Let me talk to a manager.” The customer just stood there with a grim look on his mug while the clerk called a manager over the intercom. The clerk maintained that irritating smile the whole time. After a few moments a young lady in her mid twenties walked up to the customer.
“Hi, my name is Katherine, how may I help you,” she said.
“This idiot of a photo clerk of yours is gonna burn up my film.” the customer explains.
“Sir, Arvco has an extensive customer service policy that states ...”
“I just heard it all from Numb nuts” he interrupted. The clerk stood silently behind the counter.
“Then you can understand the sensitivity of the situation,” she stated with a slight attitude.
“Look, whatever happened to the customer always being right, eh.”
“Oh that policy was abolished in the early teens,” she replied.
“That was meant to be rhetorical. I just want my film back,” he pleaded.
“Sir, if I may be so blunt, shut up.”
“What?”
“I said SHUT UP,” she reiterated. “I hear it from customers like you every hour of every day. And frankly I’m sick of it. You people always want something for nothing, something for free. Just yesterday, this old lady comes into the pharmacy bitchin’ and moanin’ about her cocain prescription. She says we forgot to include the mirror and razor blades. She claims that every time she renews her prescription they give her free blades and a mirror. I’ll have you know that Arvco stopped giving out mirrors and razor blades years ago. It got too expensive and the insurance companies stopped paying for ‘em. I tried to tell her about Arvco’s policy on the topic, but NO, she just...”
“Ma’am.”
“DON’T INTERRUPT ME!”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. Anyway she just interrupts me with her complaining, and I really hate that.”
“Did you give her the stuff?” he asked.
“Hell no, I made the old bag pay for them, and then I kicked her out.”
“But I don’t want anything for free. I just want my film back.”
“Look, we all got problems. Look at me, I’m an assistant manager at an Arvco drugstore. How do you think I feel? I mean, if Arvco paid anything, it might be okay, but I’m barely getting by. Do you think I could get a set schedule? Hell no, not with my boss. He’d keep me from ever leaving if he could. Without a set schedule, I’ll never get back into school, I’ll never get a real job, and I’ll probably be working here for the rest of my life, which won’t be long at this rate. Christ, I work so many damn hours. I can’t even get a boyfriend. God only knows the last time I…”
“Really?”
“I said don’t interrupt me.”
“Sorry.”
“Anyway, we all got problems, Arvco just seems to be one of them for both of us.”
Pleading, the customer says, “Can I please have my film back?”
“ Okay, okay, you can have your film back. You just have to fill out and purchase a guaranteed service agreement.” Relieved, he nodded and she went about her business. His attention was faltered for a moment, and then he returned to the photo counter.
“Look Rod,” the customer said to the photo clerk. “Your boss said I can get my film back if I purchase your service thingee.”
“Guaranteed service agreement?”
“Yes,” angrily said.
“Then I’ll need some information.”
“Why can’t you take it from the stuff I gave you before?” said even more angrily.
“Our system connector unit is down and we have to manually enter the data.”
The man stood motionless.
“Your vox number sir?”
“872-923-21721, my name is Gerald MacMire. I live at 4893173 Gracken index, Boxel 2. My paper vox code is 72534. No wife, No kids.”
“Sir, I just needed your name.”
Once again he stood motionless.
The clerk pressed a few buttons on his computer keyboard and said, “that will be $39.95.”
“That’s how much it costs to get them developed in the first place,” screamed the customer. “ I can’t believe what you morons are trying to pull here. First you’re gonna blow up my film then your gonna charge me not to blow them up.”
“Arvco policy states that...”
“To hell with Arvco policy. Arvco policy makers can kiss my behind.”
“Sir, there’s no reason to get excited.”
“Listen photo boy, there’s nothing exciting about listening to you talk. There’s nothing exciting about this photo counter. And there’s nothing exciting about Arvco. In fact, the only exciting thing I’ve seen today is your assistant manager, and she’s a stuck up .... Look, here’s your money. Just give me my film back. I’m going to Rite Grants.”
“Sir, if I may, Rite Grants slates every 621st cube of film to be lost.” The customer grabbed his film and stormed out of the store.
“Have a nice day sir.” Soon after the customer left, Katherine returned to the photo counter. “I tried making small talk with him to keep him calm,” he said when she reached the counter.
“I know Rodney. I tried relating my own troubles with his. Most people just don’t listen,” Katherine replied. “Next time, try not to let the customer see you dump their film in the disintegrator. It’ll save us some trouble.”
“You’re the boss.” The clerk once again smiled. He looked to the next customer in line and said, “Welcome to Arvco. How can I help you on this very fine afternoon.”
posted by Mikey at 10:36 AM
3 Comments:
curios ? did you mean curious ?
fixt. Thanks.
LOL
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