I Didn't Want To Grow Up, Still Don't

OK, so here's the deal. I grew up and I'm not who I wanted to be when I grow up. I could probably leave it at that and a great deal many of you would nod in agreement, know exactly what I'm talking about, and feel either sorry for me, yourself, or both of us. I, however, like to ramble in a self-help sort of way about my life, so here it goes.

I was a child of the 80's and had fantastic dreams. I was a comic book reader, watched G.I. Joe and very much wanted to be a super hero. I wasn't very grounded to reality as a child, which is fine when you are a child. I had two loving parents, who spoiled me so. I had free reign to do just about anything I wanted to, within reason. I've never seen what hardship was really like and thus never had to learn about it till it hit me later in life. I went to Detroit Public Schools, and while I now criticize the Detroit Public School system, at the time, it worked well enough for me. I had teachers who generally cared about me as a student and it wasn't until later in life, looking back, that very strange things happened in school. For instance, a substitute teacher who constantly touched one my friends and did strange things like taking 100 sheets of paper and tried to cut them in the paper cutter all at once. He'd slam the blade down over and over again as if to intentionally try to creep out the kids. At one point, the principle asked us to each write down the events of one particular day regarding this teacher. I suppose it would be used against him in court or when he was fired. As a child who lived in fantasy world though, these events meant nothing, but I could see some other children get really spooked by this, maybe kids from a lesser family structure, one of abuse. I'm getting sidetracked.

People who choose to enter in a career of education are special people. They do it because they truly want to see children succeed. Now if they feel that way after working 10 years in an inner city school district where you have to buy your kids their supplies because neither the parents nor the school district can afford them, is a totally different story. Regardless, they start out with good intentions. Here is some Irony for you. When you are a "bad" kid in school, the teachers punish you and remind you that if you continue down this path that your life will be more difficult and you'll never amount to anything. They get the lower end of the education scale and most fulfill that teacher's premonition. When you are the "good" kid, you get the better end of the education and the teacher's praise, which goes straight to your head. You are never warned about what happens if you stray from the path, because you were never punished. But they had good intentions and that is what counts.

So yeah, I made some mistakes and man, did I have some excuses:

• My Mother died when I was 14 years old.
• My father was an Alcoholic and spent a lot of time drunk.
  
• My Dad lost his job and we lost our home when I was 16.
• Thus, I was living on my own at 16.

OK, so there are some of the excuses for the fact that, as a spoiled child, I had no idea what life was about or how to take care of myself. As for the mistakes I've made, I can't even begin to list them all, so I'll touch on the big one that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I was convicted of a four count felony when I was 18 years old. Officially worded as the "Misuse of a financial transaction device", but essentially credit card fraud. Here's the story. I was working at a service station, mostly nights, and one day this guy comes in to buy some cigarettes and wants to know if he can get cash back on his credit card. This is against the store policy, but he was very persistent. Obviously, he was either a drunk or an addict and needed a fix, by the look of him. I relent, charge his card $20 and give him cash from the drawer. Of course, if this was a one time occurrence, It wouldn't of been a big deal, but he came in three times that week with the same request. After the third time, I told him to go elsewhere. It then occurred to me that the reason he kept coming back was because we had a $20, no validation, system. Meaning, to save the company money by avoiding associated fees from the credit card companies, they wouldn't validate the transaction if it was $20 or less. It would just automatically be approved. Many fast food restaurants use the same system in their drive thru to save time. So, the smart thing would of been to report it so that my butt would be out of trouble. But since we are talking about mistakes I made, I'll tell you what I really did. I put his credit card number in, took $20 out of the drawer and put it in my pocket. Over the course of 3 months, I supplemented my paycheck with stolen money amounting to about $5000.

So, I lost my job, ended up being convicted on 4 counts, had to pay back every dime plus about $2000 in court costs, did 100 hours of community service and now have to check that little box on employment applications that says I've been convicted of a felony. That, is the worst part. I'd wager that you'd be surprised on how often this effects your life, especially your employment. If I was the bad kid, the teacher would of said that I wouldn't amount to anything. In the United States, It is illegal to segregate against employment based on Religion, Race, Color, National Origin, Sex, Disability, Age, Marital Status, Height, Weight, Genetics, Family Status, or Arrest Record. If you are convicted of a felony, however, no employer has to hire you at all. Furthermore, you are obligated by law to let your employer know you have been convicted of a felony when this information is requested.

So there I was, working to pay off my bills, with dreams of returning to school to do something with my life and I now have to start over. Here's the real smack in the face that I gave myself. I want to be a teacher. I want to teach high school literature, read essays, grade papers and to help kids in the inner city school district to find something better than what they see every day. The problem is, regardless of my best intentions, the State of Michigan doesn't allow convicted Felons to obtain teaching certificates.

So, I've come to terms with the fact that I'll have to live without fulfilling that dream. Luckily, I found an employer that was willing to give me a chance with the full knowledge of my past mistakes. So I take my time, moving slowly through any decisions I have in life. Career changes are virtually impossible, unless it's a career in gambling which take people from all walks of life, so they tell me, or I start a company of my own. I'd hire me in a heartbeat.

I'd love to be a kid again. I'd love to live that carefree life of comic books and G.I. Joe, cartoons and video games. I'd love to have zero responsibility. I'd love to start over and do it the right way this time. Yeah, Whatever.